Birthday? wtf?

Sudhakar says it is important to celebrate birthdays. It is one day that the Almighty gives us to think what we did good and bad and how we could see the coming year.

I turn twenty next month. Looking back, I don’t see one really memorable birthday. Maybe the one 2 years ago was a tad batter than the others. My girlfriend had taken the pains to visit me at my place, with her cronies of course. The next year, it was the same.

Pathare Park is a unique colony. We have samples of every kind living here. I have a group of friends here, who till last year contributed meagre amounts and bought me a birthday cake and a T-shirt every year. (We did the same for all the friends in the group).

The cake, they would get home before me and barge in sometime in the evening with a present. I hated to be home that very moment. My mom would say, “what’s all this for? Are you some VIP?” It feels strange, I have to be happy that I’ve got a gift and I also want all that to end soon, so I can find myself alone and vent.

I’ve seen innumerable Hollywood films, why, desi ones too where birthdays are big. I saw Dr. Dolittle 3 yesterday. Murphy’s daughter goes off to a ranch for her summers and has a lot of fun. In the end, they give her a surprise b’day party. Baah! You’ll say such things happen in films only. Fck no! I’ve seen real good ones. Live. And I’ve been part of them too.

What I am going to do this year, I am unsure. But I seriously want to enjoy. I am bored of the fuckin sad birthdays I had all these years. Can I not have one just one decent, memorable b’day? Not a bash, but something I could look back at and smile? Something that I would find in a dusty CD in my drawer when I’ll be looking for my dentures years down the line- birthday pics of 2006, when I turned twenty!

F.S: I tried searching google images for some good pic to go with this piece and all birthday pics look happy!

tHe cHiLd iN mE

In exactly one month, I’ll be twenty. BHENCHOD. Me? Twenty? (I apologise for the swear word used. It is not aimed at any person/ organization living or dead nor is it purely coincidental. It is one of those times when saying just one swear word makes you feel lighter and peaceful.) I am unable to come to terms with the fact that I’ll turn twenty! Its a matter that surprises me no end.

What did I do so many years? I mean, where’s school? Where’s college? All gone? Hayabusa eh? I think I’m just worried about leaving my comfort zones behind and venturing into the big bad world. But why this I-am-poppin-outta-the-egg syndrome now? I saw friends turn twenty and they were all smiles, happy that they’ve reached the 2-decade mark of their lives. Every smile, look, sentence screamed, “Yipee, I’m twenty!”

I look around me and hate it when I unconsciously question what people do. I see my batchmates’ lungs go up in smoke and they look like chains! I hear them narrating their mishaps in bed, hickies and frantic pill quests. And I can make out that they are far beyond make out ( drab sentence there, but hey sub just let it be ok?) I wonder, are we growing up too fast? And ain’t we got originality tat we are aping what the grown-ups do? Not that I know another way to grow up.

And as for me, twenty is just a number and there’ll be many more to follow just the way the Math teacher taught us in kindergarten. I resist growing up with all my might. Come what may, I refuse to let go of the child in me. I want to talk to people just the way I’ve been for all these years. There’ll be no ‘mature’ Hari. If people want me to be one and chide me for not being responsible and what not, balls to them, cos I know what I am and I obviously know what I am doing.

And if situations permit, I’ll celebrate my birthday with a trek ( I dunno where) with whoever cares to join me!

26 September 2006

Orkutrya

Not very long ago, people getting used to emails would ask each other, “Do you have a mail id?” Now, they ask, “Are you on Orkut?” Who would have ever thought that there would be so much of thinking, writing and deliberating upon what is now an ‘in’ thing?

An excited rocker friend of mine exclaimed one morning, “Fuck, you know what Orkut is? Its McLuhan’s Global village!!” Further deliberation by him and me led to the conclusion that he was right.

Global Village. A term coined by P. Wyndham Lewis, a Canadian artist and literary figure but coherently explained by philosopher and communications theorist Marshall McLuhan. The latter’s book describes how electronic mass media collapsed space and time barriers in human communication, enabling people to interact and live on a global scale. In this sense, the globe has been turned into a village by the electronic mass media.

Place for cribbing. Venting. Ranting randomly. Dating. Making friends. Sharing books, movies. Sex. Marketing. Advertising. Orkut is as multi-layered as its users. Various backgrounds with superhuman connotations. Orkut is possibly the best networking software that the world has seen.

I used to be a fan of Aishwarya Rai. Not that I hate her now. I like her for she’s pretty and beautiful. I did not really know why I was a ‘fan.’ I did not know that you had to talk about acting skills and demeanour in public and a whole cartload of stuff to be officially called someone’s fan. Now I think she’s matured with her age and is choosy about what films she does. May be I am a matured fan too.

Then comes along aapro Orkut bhaayo. It has a unique feature where you can rate your friends with stars, hearts, and smileys and ice cubes each of these having rational connotations. You can also be fans of someone or let someone be fans of you. Last seen, I have sixty fans. Which means, if I stand for an Orkut election, I get 60 votes without fail. Of course, things also depend a lot on other factors such as bias and perception and what not. It also means that if I become a actor, these sixty people will be there in the audience to cheer, jeer, clap or boo or create a din as and when not required. Isn’t this what fans are supposed to do?

“I am your fan on Orkut, why aren’t you my fan?” (raised eyebrow free with this question)

Ho hum! Never mind. The point here is, what’s the point of having so many fans? They don’t even know me. Some people are plain acquaintances, a senior in college, an old friend in school and so on. Some are close friends and heck; I don’t see a point in being fans of friends! A few are friends of friends, might not have even met them once and they are fans.

Now isn’t that a sorry state? Is this all we look for in an idol? Wouldn’t we care to be a little more thoughtful about being a fan of someone even though all it takes is a click? Puritanical mood I guess but I feel quite strongly about this.

Well ok, Orkut did something new and unique. But would the ‘fan’ feature have been a little more fun if your ‘fans’ could also tell you why they are your fans in the first place? Well, I think so and am going to write to Mr. Orkut about this.

And who knows who Orkut really is? Is he a networking wizard who used to be a Google employee? Or is he a plain computer geek who made this website in the memory of his dead beau? God, kindly save me from those deadly spamming mails claiming to know who the real Orkut is. Well, thank you Mr. Orkut, for making this website, we love it oh so very much.

Well, well and then there are testimonials and I love to call them testiclemonials.
Here is one of them. I am going to ‘critically ANALyse’ it.

“wer to start frm...our friendship ... its definately has no boundaries...hes my good frenz...has totally crazy.. soft hearten..fun lovin..jovial..n u won't realise how tim fly's whn u r wid him..rock n yaar.. stay da same forever!”

Well, well, if I can call that severely molested English, then I am a pathetic sub. It seems I am a good FRENZ, with that ‘z’ supposedly meaning that I am not singular but a plural. Whoz line is that anywayz? I am a SOFT HEARTEN. Wow, the spelling of jovial is correct! And who the F is Tim who FLY’S when this person is with me? Yeah and I am going to stay this same gawking geek forever. Baah!

A testimonial for someone is sacred space. If you are making use of it, it should only add to the receiver’s charm. It shouldn’t make others feel the need to gift you a dictionary on your birthday!

Some people cannot even write their profiles. And ‘cool’ is the only adjective I can use to describe myself. And ‘bubble’ face and ‘bubbly’ face is the same thing. And Metallica, Led Zeppelin and Linkin Park are my favourite bands. And I love making friends. And my name starts with a ‘F’. And I am the owner of a community called Red-Haired League. (Red, you know where, rite?) And yes, my neighbour’s child is serious, he needs the rarest type of blood in this entire milky way (B-ve), so please contact this invalid no. 9823388803.

Hope you know what I am talking about. Up, up and away we go, in search of the big ‘O’

Occult? Ouch? Ostracized? Ogle? Ogle-we? Lol…never mind. Just playing with words.

So all my dear dawgs and beetches, are you an Orkutrya yet?