Kaanz International


Ears stuck with earphones makes man a denigrated entity. It's almost as if saying “Let me put these earphones into my ears and become deaf, stupid and clumsy.” The freshman batch of college now filling the trains thinks it's cool to ignore frantic suggestions to not 'throw their weight around.' This obliviously ignorant species often walks backwards to bump into already irate ladies or dabbawallas and then the expression of apology that leaves the conscience decides to not cross the LOC of the lips.
Ears shut, the anatomical system is devoid of any sounds from the outside world, resulting in polite admonitions from taxi drivers which would go something like, “Baghoon chal re #$%^#$^$%, marsheel ekda tya mobilechya naadaat.” Unaware of the flurry of warnings flying his way, our DJ will only smile back, forever apologetic. He would be apologetic all his life, saying sorry and maaf karo to every person he bumps into, which is like a quarter of the over all population.
Reminds me of a joke. There's this crazy scientist who is researching frogs. Placing a specimen on the desk, the scientist orders it to jump which it dutifully does. Pinning it down, the weirdass cuts off one of its four legs and orders it to jump. It does. He proceeds to extract another leg and asks it to jump. It still does manage to do it with the help of its remaing two limbs. Off with the third leg along with an order to jump. With one leg remaining, the frog makes a moving effort to jump and manages to raise itself for the scientist's happiness. The scalpel severs the last limb. "Jump," yells the scientist. The frog only stares at the scientist, but doesn't move. After a few failed attempts at making the frog jump, the scientist observes into his log book, "If you cut off all four limbs of a frog, it becomes deaf."
Why do I mention this amphibian relative of ours now? Well, it's because I have seen a few of our brethren turn into them even as they think they are head-banging to some super rock music when they really are making faces akin to a cross between a pig and a bullfrog.
But I would hand the award to them for at least getting their own earphones instead of waiting for me to offer them a brand new one irked by them using the speakers. But these advancements in science and technology is getting worse day by day, what with the music from the earphones blaring like the loud speakers themselves? Passive music. Much like AIR's style of news rendering. "Aap sun rahe hain All India Radio. Ab aap Kungfu Pandey se samachaar suniye." (Compulsory hai).
They stand on the middle of the road thinking they are unobtrusive to the movement of the world, riding a tricycle on the fast lane. Wonder if they kow that their reflexes are completely sloshed, cut short to a speed of 25 miles per year. When inside trains, they move unwittingly, their elbows pressing spectacles into eyes or grazing people's nipples as they reach into the farthest corner of their pockets to coax out their band-baaja phones. Eyes doped with music and leftover sleep, they step on shoes and hems of trousers evoking mixed emotions.
Scene change. I am being interviewed. The interviewer asks me, "Sir..."
I say, "Err, don't call me Sir, call me Hari." (Cool trend to be called by the first name, not that it aches to be called Sir.)
"Oh, ok, (faking hesitation) Hari, what message would you like to give to the society?"
Thoughtful face. "Hmmm, I think mobile phone companies should start making earphones for only one ear, so the sound from the outside world would reach the person, like hands free sets. But may be people would get two of those kinds and use them on each ear and continue being compulsively irritating, in which case other people should be given permission to carry poison darts. My message to the society is that they should stop being so reclusive and should start behaving like the social animals that Dr. Bhatavdekar says we are. People could start reading in the train like all those cool people who read books from the bestseller lists only. They could also solve crossword puzzles and then tuck the paper under the bum and leave it there, to wipe seats during the monsoons…

Camera zooms out to show interviewer snoring.