Open Letter To Indra

Dear Indra,

Dude, what’s wrong, man?

You used to have a brilliant system going on there. You had Surya to heat the oceans... and people to carry all that steam upwards (and run that little super sauna for you!) Then you had those brilliant cloud-making artisans! What happened?  

Are you tired? Do you need a pay hike or something?  Or are your employees striking?

Or will you only make it rain if Gracy Singh and a tanned Aamir Khan beg for rain while doing a cinematic number?

You must really consider doing your rock star thing soon. Let the clouds break into a medlee of classic torrential rain and put us earthlings in a huge mosh pit of sorts. That might make some snobby South Bombay types shut themselves in and screw up their noses about how they hate getting wet but that's all. The rest of us will only be happy that we'll have water to wash our buttocks every morning in the coming year and that farmers will have enough water for their fields.

But that cloud burst thing...I am guessing that happens when you are really pissed at us? Sir, very scary. We don't want that also.

Remember Milan Subway, Kalina? Yeah.

Tell me, did you guys get a good laugh when we attempted cloud-seeding? See, if you don't let it loose in another fortnight, we'll want to try that again! Don’t you let us make fools of ourselves.

Also, how is it that when I am in Ambarnath, you give rain to Bombay and when I am in Bombay (chal na, Borivali is Bombay too!) I am not complaining, my trees there must love it! But dude, what about Tulsi and Vihar – the reservoirs inside the Sanjay Gandhi National park that the English made? Who’ll fill them up, your daddy?

Oh, I almost forgot this one thing. What is going on between you and this Murphy guy? How does it really work? Does he Whatsapp you every time he sees me leave home without an umbrella?    

So they are saying we cut too many trees because of which there’s less water in the oceans or whatever… and you are mighty annoyed about this and all… any truth there? See, I understand your problem. You can’t really take the water from Mithi river anymore… it’s so f…um…filthy and who wants dirty rainwater anyway?

Give my love to Airavata please? Tell him his earthly cousins are fine now that Veerappan is gone but every now and then a train that passes through their forests dashes down a few of them.

P.S: There was a little confusion as to who to address this letter to - you or Varuna. But I've always been clear that you take care of the rains; unlike popular belief in north India, because Varuna is in-charge of the oceans department, right?