Happy Indipindi Day

August 15: Hoisting the nation’s flag. Saluting it. Singing the national anthem. Hugging each other. Pinning paper flags on to each other. Wishing each other happy this day.

August 16 onwards: The flag’s taken off the pole, which is fine, why should it be up there all year? The paper flags are on the road, torn, worn and weathered. Flush out noses on the road, wipe that very hand on the streetlight pole or anything in sight. Spit out the snot that travels down to the mouth. Spit it on the road, spit it out of the train, sitting at the window seat, denying a seat to other weary co-travellers. Just spit spittle or mix it with red-coloured spunk available in tiny packets. Spray the mixture at the corners of all floors of the Dombivali Nagri Sahakari Bank and the State Bank of India, the Brihanmumbai Municipal Corporation, General Post Office and also colour the stones along railway tracks. Munch the contents of those packets, buy extra packets for later use, buy them for friends, and share with friends. Spill the contents into the mouths and tip the packet out of the window. One man- may be four packets a day. Four men- sixteen packets a day. Hundreds inside one train. Thousands of tiny packets on the tracks. Hundreds of trains. Lakhs of packets on the tracks. Ruffles Lays. Roasted groundnut packets. Polythene bags. Offerings of leftover and used flowers for the water-god in the Thane creek and the Mithi river. More packets. Less rainwater drains. Rainwater drains clogged with packets. Buy oranges in the train. Peel them, relish them, and put the peels under the seat. Then say, “Peels, what peels? How would I know who put it there?” Make unnecessary noise. Honk too much near Anmol Ratan Apartments. When in the train, play songs on the mobile phone with the earphones alternatively used as anal plugs. Hang out of the door and hit people walking on the platform, steal their caps, kick their bottoms. Drink and drive and rechristen yourself Alistair Pereira. Bribe the judge, ride in his car, make him resign his post! Forget everything like nothing happened. Spit about, colour things, places and finally people red. Pin flags on each other, be goody goody, hug each other, salute the flag, sing the national anthem and say, “Happy Indipindi Day.”