tHe cHiLd iN mE

In exactly one month, I’ll be twenty. BHENCHOD. Me? Twenty? (I apologise for the swear word used. It is not aimed at any person/ organization living or dead nor is it purely coincidental. It is one of those times when saying just one swear word makes you feel lighter and peaceful.) I am unable to come to terms with the fact that I’ll turn twenty! Its a matter that surprises me no end.

What did I do so many years? I mean, where’s school? Where’s college? All gone? Hayabusa eh? I think I’m just worried about leaving my comfort zones behind and venturing into the big bad world. But why this I-am-poppin-outta-the-egg syndrome now? I saw friends turn twenty and they were all smiles, happy that they’ve reached the 2-decade mark of their lives. Every smile, look, sentence screamed, “Yipee, I’m twenty!”

I look around me and hate it when I unconsciously question what people do. I see my batchmates’ lungs go up in smoke and they look like chains! I hear them narrating their mishaps in bed, hickies and frantic pill quests. And I can make out that they are far beyond make out ( drab sentence there, but hey sub just let it be ok?) I wonder, are we growing up too fast? And ain’t we got originality tat we are aping what the grown-ups do? Not that I know another way to grow up.

And as for me, twenty is just a number and there’ll be many more to follow just the way the Math teacher taught us in kindergarten. I resist growing up with all my might. Come what may, I refuse to let go of the child in me. I want to talk to people just the way I’ve been for all these years. There’ll be no ‘mature’ Hari. If people want me to be one and chide me for not being responsible and what not, balls to them, cos I know what I am and I obviously know what I am doing.

And if situations permit, I’ll celebrate my birthday with a trek ( I dunno where) with whoever cares to join me!

26 September 2006